As a new mummy, there is much to be said about sleep. No longer do you measure the success of your day on how little sleep you achieved as you filled yourself to the gills with a various array of alcoholic beverages, still managing an appearance at your 9am lecture the next morning, albeit resembling a zombie (ahhh – feels like a lifetime ago). No. The Uni-student life is long behind you. And replacing the pub crawls, goon and jager-bombs are mothers groups, smooth purees and breast milk. As your life transforms so does that nightly visit to the Sandman that you used to take for granted. Something I heard numerous times whilst pregnant – ‘Make sure you get lots of sleep before the baby comes, because you won’t get any when they arrive’… If my maths is right (2+2=4…carry the 1…9024+6785…) I should’ve started collecting the latter ‘lots of sleep’ in 1993! These days, for me to stamp my day with an A+, not only must I obtain at least 6 hours of sleep, but little Will needs his beauty rest too. It is this last point that often sees the sanity of new mothers disappear along with the goon and Jager.
Working again with my fantastic maths skills (7+3=10…divide by 33…throw in a Pi or 2), I’ve come up with a sleep formula for new mums:
Mummy-sleep minus Hours-baby-should’ve-slept-but-didn’t = AMS.
AMS or Actual Mummy Sleep is the reason new mums have brains of mush. Technically all new mummies are walking around on perhaps 2 hours of AMS. All you non-mummies, imagine for six months you had to live on two hours sleep a night. Yes – that’s right – impossible I hear you say! I assure you it’s the truth. This state of ‘spaced-out-ness’ is reffered to as ‘AMS Syndrome’. And I think if you investigate a little further you will find a correlation between baby booms and downturns in the world economy – BECAUSE all those women suffering from AMS syndrome are (and I use the technical term here) ZOMBIATED!
So, Ummm….. I’ve forgotten what I was saying….. Would you like some pureed sweet potato?…. Yes…. that’s baby spew on my shoulder…. *shrugs*