OH MY! I may have dropped off the side of a cliff for a few months….. BUT I’M BACK!
And so much has changed.
The biggest change is we’ve moved – no longer in sunny Bendigo are we, but following a wish for our kids to grow up on a farm just as we did. We are renting a place about forty minutes north of Shepparton in rural Victoria. And I must say, I’m certainly enjoing the change of pace, although it did take me a while to adjust and I went through a nasty period of isolation.
I never thought I’d be the Post Natal Depression type… A whole 13 months after little Will was born, this is where I found myself, staring into the precipice. And I had a choice – I could turn and walk away from that deep dark chasm, or I could jump right on in. And at that point, jumping in seemed like all I wanted to do. I’d moved away from my home of nine years, left all my friends behind, my job, my support, my hairdresser, my local knowledge, my Doctor, my favourite coffee place. I’d arrived at my new life with my family. I slowly realised that they were not going to be enough to ground me and my new roots, and now I had no idea where I stood.
I went back home for a visit and as I turned the car and left sunny Bendigo once again, thats when all my feelings came to a head. My worry, my heart-ache, my home-sickness. I cried. A lot. I realised that I’d been feeling negative for a few weeks now, unmotivated, ill, tired, going through the motions only to stop my little guy from crying because it hurt my head. I cried because I realised that I was losing parts of myself. I got home eventually and spoke to my husband about how I was feeling. I am so grateful that I can bounce my ideas off him. I made an appointment to see a local GP and from there had some tests done to make sure nothing physical was wrong. All A-ok. So it was starting to look suspiciously depression-like. I’d now had some time to come to terms with the fact that jumping into this abyss WAS NOT what I wanted to do. I did not want to be that person any longer.
I made a simple appointment to see my new Maternal Child Health Nurse. And that was all it took. She took my hand – albeit in a her own odd way – and showed me away from that precipice. I’m sure she had NO IDEA what she had done, but those sheets of paper I was sent away with saved me. I joined a playgroup. I joined the gym. I joined the Toy Library. I enrolled in swimming classes for Will. I had put down those new roots and they were far far far away from that ominous cliff.
Before this whole saga had settled in and whilst my moving adrenalin was still flowing, I’d ripped up a piece of our lawn, hoping to plant some new grass for Will to play on. During my time at the precipice, the soil had laid bare and dry. As I admired my own new roots… I knew it was time to get grass planting. Now long and luscious, I look at the patch of grass as representing my journey. Looking closer – I see a little surprise. I can’t wait to find more…